Andre gave Christina bluewalls...and then he drove to Taco Bell to
eat a grande meal.
PostingID: 490042801
To finish:
Sex And The City really hit it out of the park for
modern social acceptance.
Pets are good
training ground for kid care.
Regular maintenance
and communication are like water and sun to a relationship. Simplicity
in the everyday can prevent the
Business is easy.
Relationships are hard.
It’s simple to do.
And excruciating to undo.
Of course jewelry bribes are accepted.
Going above the
call of duty
Holding a grudge?
Role playing
Childhood issues
Kama Sutra
Can settle with a ring instead of in
the ring.
And who wants to lose a friendship over
goofy advice?
probably as ridiculous as “revirginization.”
John Gray with a
degree in this stuff, then I'd be one of in a different
stratosphere--more money and more divorced.
And five months
left of this year.
DHG Dailies USED:
Wkd 4/18-20/08~Plan, save and follow your bliss. And don't forget to
enjoy it- not only when you get there, but also the character-building
path along the way.
Th 4/17/08~Now here's an interesting animal shelter statistic: big, black dogs have
a much harder time getting adopted. There's a misconception that they
are scarier. This includes black labs, retrievers, rottweilers, and pit
bulls. Of course dogs are like people in the sense that if they have a
loving environment, they will have a much happier and safer existence.
And some good dog training goes a long way. (Not just beneficial for the
dog!)W
4/16/08~Did you have a happy tax day yesterday? Not stressful if you
filed earlier, or pressured til the witching hour? Everyone is different
in their approach, from from details to timing. It's great if your
partner shares your style. It's funny how that Zen philosophy of
simplifying your life, can do the same for your tax returns.
T 4/15/08~Humans
are not the only the casualties of the U.S. housing market these days.
People are literally leaving their pets behind in their foreclosed
homes. Sometimes with heart-breaking notes. Many have to move to places
that won't allow animals. Hopefully more will turn them in to shelters,
in faith that they may have a better chance with a new family, and
ultimately survival. If you have the ability to adopt or foster, please
consider it. Specific donation funds have even been set up to assist in
the great need of foreclosure pet help.
M 4/14/08~Are you in a whiney mood today? Seek out the very
inspirational online talk and book called, "The Last Lecture." From one
man with an infectiously bright attitude, who happens to be dying from
terminal pancreatic cancer, you will instantly gain a new perspective on
everything.
Wkd 4/11-13/08~And you thought YOU had a good proposal?! A student at
Columbine High School in Colorado came out to her car at lunch and found
it confettied with sticky notes saying, "Prom?" She accepted.
Th 4/10/08~A New Year's resolution/goal I set was to try to make 10 people a
day laugh (or at least smile). This had nothing to do with my cartooning
work. Just my goal to bring humor to the world. Thought I'd start with
the people around me. There's been an unexpected benefit: when I get
others to laugh more, so do I.
W 4/9/08~Every picture tells a story. If you take a look at the photos
and the real expressions, you can tell so much about a relationship. Of
course there is a lot more to the story and circumstances. But it's
surprisingly a good indicator.
T 4/8/08~How important are finances to you? Since it's the number one thing
couples fight about, it's good to have clear, open and honest
conversations about your money. It's easy to mix up feelings, goals and
perspective, with different expectations. Ultimately, sleeping together
is more fulfilling than pillowing with your purse.
M 4/7/08~Funny how I've always listened to my mom.
It's just taken many years to hear.
Wkd
4/4-6/08~No one needs to have a problem with getting older. Although
it's a wee unfair that celebratory alcohol can kick our butts a lot more
than it used to!
Birthday Edition!*Th
4/3/08~Since it's my
birthday, I plan on treating myself well. Maybe getting some
stuff done. Maybe not. As long as it's enjoyable and important
to me, that's all that matters. Of course it helps to have a
wonderful family, pets, friends and great colleagues all over
the place to celebrate with me in person (or fur), and in
spirit. Have a great day everyone!
W 4/2/08~Since it's my
birthday, I plan on treating myself well. Maybe getting some
stuff done. Maybe not. As long as it's enjoyable and important
to me, that's all that matters. Of course it helps to have a
wonderful family, pets, friends and great colleagues all over
the place to celebrate with me in person (or fur), and in
spirit. Have a great day everyone!
T 4/1/08~Serious most
of the time? Today's your day to cut loose. Might as well laugh
at yourself, before someone gets you good today for a practical
joke. Happy April Fool's Day. We're all one at least one day a
year-some more than others.M 3/31/08~We all know the right things to do: eat better, get enough sleep,
exercise your mind and body, spend time with those you love, and take
care of things before they become a crisis. Alas, most of our schedules
(of our doing) throw us up against the deadline curve of urgency. Try a
tiny improvement system: each week try improving one thing, just a
little. 5 minutes or one better decision a day, could have a nice
cumulative effect that might make you want to stick with it.
Wkd 3/28-30/08~Who knew that the theory of high school popularity could
follow you. Check out MySpace or FaceBook online. Wow, parents, teach
your children well...or at least how to Photoshop OUT the youngin's
cleavage.
Th 3/27/08~Do Good. Be Good.
W 3/26/08~Does an accent make you swoon? You may love the one your with, but
eves-dropping in foreign territory, might be a bit fun. Just keep it in
fantasyland, or let your partner in on your foreign fetish. And if
you're single, go get cultural!
T 3/25/08~One of my New Year's resolutions was to be
50% happier. I had no idea what that would look like or how to go about
it. I just tried to change my outlook to be a little more positive
on a lot more things. Something clicked. And I'm happy with the results.
M 3/24/08~I saw a book I wanted to read: Stop Complaining. I didn't even need to
read it to get the message. The author's bracelet trick was a nifty idea
on putting the practice work. As long as you stick to the positivity,
you wear it on one wrist. And the minute you whine or complain about
anything, you switch the bracelet to the other wrist and start all over.
That'll get you noticing how you react to things, a lot more
consciously.
Wkd 3/21-23/08~The male counterpart for the "Orgasmic Diet" book* is "The Hardness
Factor." Again, making you healthier improves your sex life. If you read
it for nothing else (yeah, right), it has some awesome recipes. *See
the daily from yesterday.
Th 3/20/08~Ever hear of the "Orgasmic Diet?" Funny how anything that makes you
healthier, makes everything better overall. (Book: The Orgasmic Diet by
Marrena Lindberg; nutshell version: "four things women need for
optimal sexual function: good brain chemistry; good hormone levels; good
circulation; good muscle tone.")
W
3/19/08~Getting more action these days? I meant sex life, not Visa bill.
T 3/18/08~Winter turns to spring this week. One quarter of our yearly
seasons, done for the year. Any chance you're sticking to any of your
New Year's resolutions? If you wrote any down, you have a much higher
chance that they're still in play. If not, spring into a new action.
Even one little improvement is still better than expecting change while
doing nothing different.
M
3/17/08~Did you ever think that no matter what state you are in right
now, you are "lucky at love?" If you are out of a relationship, you are
lucky to have your own time and schedule; if in a partnership, lucky to
be in or explore the path of love. You get the picture. It's all about
perspective. Now go have a "lucky" day!
Wkd 3/14-16?08~Ah, arm candy. Great for a photo op, but will the conversation last
beyond the cheese tray?
Th 3/13/08~
W
3/12/08~Doing good: our rent for being on the planet.
T 3/11/08~How are your politics these
days? If you want to instantly unite or alienate any
conversation, bring up an opinion on any political issue. At
least you'll immediately know where you stand...whether on the
other side of the line, or holding hands on the same cliff edge.
M3/10/08~
Wkd 3/7/08~Is the passion waning from your relationship? Since taking up knitting
or an affair aren't viable options, why not hit your local sex shop?
There is always new stuff to learn, and perhaps try.
Th 3/6/08~Why is it we think relationships should be "instant?" Perhaps the
desperation of the wanting, or expectation of McLove. The truth is that
time and real living and loving experience build the most solid
foundation. You can run at it or stroll to it. Remember, either way,
it's a moving target.
W 3/5/08~You only get one chance to make a first impression. And if that
doesn't work, you can always get a second opinion.
T 3/4/08~Do you think highly of yourself? If you want a fun experiment,
have others introduce you at parties, or networking events. You may hear
some wonderful perspectives that you'd never say or not know about you
otherwise.
M 3/3/08~Are you falling for bad people or stuck in a relationship history rut?
Maybe your radar is off. Choosing something different that breaks the
pattern, can be the change catalyst for a new future path. If it doesn't
work, you're welcome to relive whatever rut you like.
Leap Year
Weekend 2/29-3/2/08~Try
something out of your comfort zone. If authority questions you, just
blame it on the leap year frenzy. Hey, if the 'full moon' and 'Twinkie
defense' can work...
Th 2/28/08~Sometimes you've got to draw a relationship line in the sand. On a
beach. At high tide.
W 2/27/08~I figured
out I don't "do lunch" very well. It breaks up my day, my focus and
project-getting-on-a-roll time. Perhaps you value your chunks of
valuable time. P.S. it's o.k. to tell others. They might enjoy a more
creative meeting alternative, too.
T 2/26/08~Ever try a
relationship sabbatical? Maybe the best person to fall for is you. You
might even bring some more to the table with others if you have more
confidence and knowledge of yourself. That and a good bottle of wine.
M 2/25/08~Interested in finding something personal out? Do your homework. Better
yet ask that person directly.
Wkd 2/22-24/08~Going red this month? It's
national heart month. So take care of yours-whether through exercise,
good nutrition, or stress reduction. And combining them. A little
healthy love life living is a great boost, too!
Th 2/21/08~ It's "Love Your Pet" day, so give Fido and Fifi a hug.
Endorphins for everyone!
Th 2/14/08~Are
you spending at least a little part of Valentine's Day with the most
important person you know? (BTW, that would be some 'you' time.) Happy
Valentine's Day!
W 2/13/08~Planning
a romantic evening by candlelight? So the firefighters and paramedics
aren't a part of your romantic experience, watch the curtains.
T 2/12/08~You know all those epic
"go-get-the-girl" run-through-the-airport, romantic movie
scenes? Ever wonder how they get the correct
flight/terminal/airport information (so they make the
blockbuster ending reunion just in the nick of time)?
M 2/11/08~I used to think money and gift cards made terrible, thoughtless gifts.
Then I learned that no one can shop for me, as good as me. Funny how I
appreciate that thought more.
Super
Tuesday, February 5, 2008:
Wouldn't it be nice
to "caucus" more at home? Talk about "playing a real part in our
futures."Happy
Mardi Gras!
Wkd
2/1-3/08~Ah, Superbowl weekend. High-def and big screen t.v.s are on
sale: for all that scratching in detail, and spitting in surround-sound.
Th
1/31/08~Of course opinions matter. But you have to consider the source. And also
their motivation. And ultimately, you may want to rely on what feels
right. Time will be the ultimate judge. And maybe a little guilt.Wednesday, January
30, 2008:A
friend commented tenderly on how hard it is to lose a pet. He said
sometimes it's harder than losing a family member, because we pick our
pets, and they offer unconditional love. I've found that to be a bit
true, as my "furballs" are my "kids."
Wkd 1/25-27/08~You gotta love fantasies. Where else could you
play the role of Fabio, without getting laughed at?
W 1/24/08~Have you heard of the new web
site for dis abled folks called disaboom.com? You gotta love the
eye-catching advertising with an image of a tattooed gent in a wheel
chair daring you to question his sex life. Just goes to show you that
sex sells practically everything. The upside is a change in the
perception of folks that have some extra challenges. And it's bridging
several communities with knowledge and understanding.
Wednesday,
January 16, 2008:
Now here's some interesting fyi
morsels to ponder...white eggs come from chickens with white
earlobes. And red-lobed chickens lay brown eggs. I suppose
people are just as easy to read. If you only you knew to get
past fuzzy/feathery indicator.
T 1/15/08~Sometimes,
you only get one chance to make a last impression.
M 1/14/07
Balance is a brilliant concept. But like anything worthwhile, it may not
be the natural state of things. A little effort and some successful
planning, can help life be a little more fruitful in more areas. They
may not all be perfect, but trying is a better way to get it to happen.
W 1/9/08~What would happen if you smiled 10 times more each day? I've been trying
50 in the morning as an experimental exercise, and something good has
definitely clicked. Better positive reactions with others, a better day,
and I'm just a little bit happier as a result. I dare you to try
it for a week.
W 1/2/08~Wouldn't it be nice to keep
up with family, friends, colleagues and people who make your life work
better? Obviously that could take all of your time. The next best thing
is to make the connections we can, the best that we can. Maybe it's only
an e-mail, or a quick voice mail to say, "Hi, I'm thinking of you. Hope
you are doing well." Sometimes those small connects can make the
difference in yours or someone else's day.Tuesday,January
1, 2008:
There's a southern
tradition that sounds brilliant: Do on New Year's Day what you want to
be doing for the rest of the year. Funny how tradition and new age
thinking kind of intertwine sometimes.
Be blessed & prosperous in your new year. Remember relationships can
hold the greatest riches.
Monday,
December 31, 2007:It's
the last of the the old year. But it's not "old" until you give up or
the time passes into the "new" year. With the time you have left, you
can review your progress (yes you made some) and tweak the course, if
you're not heading in the right direction. Perhaps you can adapt the
"right" path... to your actual life.
Happy New Year's Eve-May you have accomplished lots, with love and
laughter.
Wkd 12/28-30/07~Who knew so many people were "bi?!" Turns out about half
of all dog folks also house a cat. There goes the neighborhood. Meow.
Wkd12/21-23/07~Catching up or falling behind on your holiday
preparations? Just remember, it's always about the people and not the
perfect stuff. The most memorable times can come from what gets
creatively done in a pinch. And who knows? It just might start a new
tradition.
T 1218/07~
M 12/17/07~
Wkd 12/14-12/17/07~
Th 12/13/07~It's a great idea to get the kids electronic toys this Christmas. And if
your value your brain cells, just leave the batteries out.
W 12/12/07~Isn't it about time women got
to be with trophy hunks? Wouldn't it be really great if they had a
brain, and a sense of humor?!Tuesday,
December 11, 2007:
Ever go near one of those cars with a voice alarm that says, "Step away
from the vehicle?" Don't you just want to step in and mess with it,
because you were told not to, and that's a pompous thing for a car to
say anyway?!
M 12/10/07~I have a great eco-friendly gift wrap idea: fabric bags. I made a
bunch of them once, so the deal is, if the person wants a gift again,
they have to give the little sack back. Except for mom, who after every
opening, annoyingly eggs, "Can I keep the bag?!"
Wkd
12/7-9/07~You just never know who is going to touch your life. It may be
a best friend, or a work colleague, or a person known only briefly.
But to have known that person, may make you a better one.
Th 12/6/07~Meeting someone for the first time? Here's some quick tips: keep it in
public, preferably daylight, casual, and with your own transportation.
And have a buddy check-in person who knows where you are and when you
might be back. You may meet the love of your life. With a little
forethought, it won't be from the trunk of a car. Or in front of rolling
Dateline cameras (legal age is a no-brainer, folks!).
W
12/5/07~Welcome to the age of "giving to yourself" gift cards. You spend
money on someone, and then you get a credit as well. Nothing like a
little Christmas kickback to get you in the spirit of the season.
T 12/4/07~It's easy to fall for a
good personal, and perhaps misleading, sales pitch. Especially when your ego is down and the
compliments flow from what appears to be the heart region.
M 12/3/07~Life is short. Write out the holiday cards as you see folks,
and pray you get to the rest.
Wkd 11/30-12/2/07~It's officially cuddle season. Try some wearable sexy textures like
velvet, satin, and silk, to encourage the touchy-feely fun.
Th 11/29/07~Need to make an uncomfortable phone call? Don't do it by text or e-mail.
Bad news is never fun, but humans deserve a little courtesy. Be a better
person, even if the other one might not deserve it. Err on the side of
integrity or at least a little better karma.
W 11/28/07~Why does the diet
industry bother pushing their products near the holidays? Food. Alcohol.
Temptations galore. Besides there's a whole breed of folks called
"Chubby Chasers." So you shouldn't have a problem finding a date to your
company party.
T 11/27/07~Feeling a bit alone
for the holidays? Why not buddy up with someone else who could use some
cheering--like some soldiers based in a war zone, or some orphan kids.
Go through reputable sources you can verify. As opposed to something
like Nigerian royalty scams via e-mail.
M 11/26/07~You think you're having a
tough day? It could be worse. You could be on the body count list for
the Sopranos. (Yep, a real wacked web page:
http://www.the-sopranos.com/db/bodycount.htm)
Wkd 11/23-25/07~Enjoying the holidays yet?
It's a feast for the senses. And you don't even have to go too crazy.
Food that's a little richer or eclectic and new are such fun to sample.
Why not try a little? Besides, you can work off the extra calories on
the dance floor, or under the mistletoe.
Th 11/22/07~Really bored? Check out
Movifone's 25 worst movie sequels ever made. Hours of your life you can
never get back. Especially if on a date. And my pick wasn't even listed: Miss Congeniality 2.
Seriously bad, like chunky out of date milk.
W 11/21/07~Did you know
that reading the descriptions in the personal ads is kind of like
decoding a house or job ad. In real estate terms, "cozy" means tiny.
And "Not a 9-5" translates into you will be working 24/7. For the
personals, there's all kind of tweaking of the truth, from weight to
age, and all the life details in between. Do read with caution. It's
easy to spot some, like "discrete" meaning married. Anyone can represent
anything. If you start with honesty, you'll be amazed at the positive
way you can be treated in return.
Tuesday, November
20, 2007:Ever watch
"Entourage" on HBO? Manager Ari has a saying he's fond of, "Hug it out."
(For accuracy, there's a bit more to the phrase.) Although it might not
be appropriate in the workplace, it sure does come in handy with family
and friends. Remember it over the holidays. Especially when you may have
the urge to do the opposite.
Monday,
November 19, 2007:Ah,
a short work week, if you celebrate Thanksgiving. Funny how the to-do
list doesn't shorten, just the days to accomplish it does.
Remember to appreciate the people around you. And if the list still
looks like it has no end in site, you might want to sit and relish the
spiked cider.
Wkd 11/16-18/07~The holidays are starting to roll in. No pressure. Parents, friends, &
colleagues mix with parties, food and alcohol. Ah the story bombs that
are fun to drop when stuck at the kiddie card table. Therapy bills for
years. 'Tis the season!
Th 11/15/07~It's amazing when you are down, where a hand to help you up,
might come from. You can learn all sorts of things about the people
around you, and yourself, as well. Unless you are challenged, you might
not know that you had it in you to recover or change directions for the
better.
W 11/14/07~Sometimes when you are sick or injured, it's the universe's
way of telling you to take a little break. We take almost no time to sit
and think about what we really want, how we are going about it, and who
and what are truly important to us. Besides, a little personal down time
for rest and reflection is better than watching the lawyer and laundry
ads on daytime t.v.
T 11/13/07~Ever feel like some dates are more like therapy sessions than romance?
Some are textbook, with all of the lingo. And some are free association
with a captive audience. Once these get started, it's hard to get a good
gage of what the other person is thinking. They'll usually be tactful.
Perhaps tuning out. Or never calling back.
M 11/12/07~Sometimes it's really fun to be right. Even if you don't use it. Because
sometimes, to get along, you need to give the other person a graceful
exit strategy. No one likes to be on the uncomfortable side of a
chastising. Unless it's from a bet that has a fun payback.
Wkd 11/9-11/07~Sex can be like ice cream toppings. On different days, different things
sound good or interesting to try.
Th 11/8/07~Ah, dating. It's like an intimate job interview process
sometimes. Ever get sick of telling even the nutshell version of your
life story? The interesting part is learning about someone else's life
and experiences. Tends to broaden your horizons, if even vicariously, to
learn of skydiving in Peru, or having a special needs child. You just
never know how much your heart can open up, when the right person gets
you interested.
W 11/7/07~You know a really bizarre
way to have a drug test come up positive if you aren't a user? Have sex.
According to Dr. Drew Pinsky of the Loveline show, semen has a 7 times
higher concentration of substances (like drugs) than in the bloodstream
(although rare-something to consider). Remind you of the old Seinfeld
episode where Elaine tested positive for drugs because she had poppy
seed bagels?!
T 11/8/07~Since when did everyone
need a reality show to find love? It's taken over network television and
blossomed big time on cable. Surprisingly enough, they'll probably be
the few shows that might survive the Hollywood writer's strike. Even
more reason for either them to resolve royalty issues or for us to read
more books.
M 11/5/07~Last time I checked, brain power (on most days) ruled the world. I
heard no mention of how important cellulite was on the ecosystem.
Wkd 11/2-4/07~Ooooh,
The Loving Lothario. Superman of Seduction. Romantic Rasputin.
Unrequited sexual tension may make it in classic literature. But
the only place most modern romantic happy endings happen, is trashy
fiction.
Th 11/1/07~Ever have RRRS? It's
Repetitive Relationship Reclipse Syndrome. It's where you you go back to
retry a romance that went south at least once before. Symptoms can
include: stupidiy, forgetfullness and sudden memory recall. RRRS can be
fatal: check with your therapist for terminal ego and self esteem
issues. In very rare cases, it can work if partners have committed to
and acted on changes in patterns and personality.
T 10.30.07~When was the last time you played hookie with your partner? Maybe you
skipped out on a whole day. Remember 'nooners, or leaving work early to
follow up a sexy office phone call? Or getting in late, looking a little
ruffled and flushed. Your co-workers may give you the evil eye, but
they're really just jealous.
W
10.24.07~Can you love opposing teams and each other? Whether it's sports
rivalries or political ones, disagreements can get pretty heated. If you
realize you can have personal differences, maybe that heat could be
saved for the non-competitive (i.e. "makeup") time.
Just because you see a couple who doesn't fight, doesn't mean that they
have a great relationship. Sometimes bottling problems to avoid
confrontation can lead to other issues. Or build them up to breakup
capacity. We all communicate in slightly different ways. Figuring each
other out is half the frustrating fun. Those big breakthroughs can make
your bond stronger. Not to mention how much fun make-up sex is!
It's amazing how
wonderful someone can look on paper. When it comes to relationships,
though, chemistry is one of the most unstable, unknown elements. If
someone could bottle the formula for instant chemistry, there'd be more
money in it than White Out, Velcro, and Post-it's...combined!
Purple Tuesday,
ROCTOBER 16, 2007:The celebration at
Coors Field in lodo Denver last night was so
unbelievable! Great fans, great police, very few
problems and a whole lot of celebration for an amazing
home team. My favorite was all the folks with decorated
brooms, sweeping and high-fiving each other overhead
with the broom heads. I never realized how much
sports can bring people together. From my belly dance
class, to artist friends and fellow Rockies baseball
fans around the field, we're all celebrating the
"Miracle on Blake Street!" Congratulations to the
Colorado Rockies--the Cinderella team who just won the
National League Championships!- Ché Rippinger,
Dating And Hand Grenades Author/Humorist
You know one of the great
revolutions that Playboy Magazine started? The Hef helped society
realize that, yes, the girl next door can and does enjoy sex. Turns out
you don't have to be male, or promiscuous. Just have a brain and some
hormones. Yay . Everyone wins.
Ah, to be young
and in love. Oh, to be older to know what's possible, and how it really can and does go. Wow,
to experience both, consider yourself lucky.
Studies suggest men with lower voices have more children. And men prefer
women with higher voices. I'm thinking, in the attraction factor,
grammar and spelling might count as well. It's just not that sexy of a
study.
How many times a day do
you tell someone you love them? One time? One Hundred times? Zero? If
you aren't getting the cold shoulder, maybe it's enough. But why not
experiment with the odds...and the outcome?!
Have any hypnagogic
hallucinations lately? They're those really vivid visions that happen
just before you fall into a deep sleep. If you have one right before you
wake fully up, that hallucination is hypnopompic. Funny how some of the
most frustrating ones relate to sex dreams. Bad alarm clock. Bad, bad
alarm clock.
Time to break out of your shell this
weekend? Come on. Get out there. Do something new. You can get snowed in
and do the laundry later.
It's that
gorgeous fall time of year. While you are winterizing your house and
car, why not try the same with your relationships? Check the seals,
under the hood and maybe patch what ever might need it, before it costs
you much more in the long run.
In the animal kingdom
(like birds), the males have the colorful plumage, to attract a mate.
The females are instead almost camouflaged, in order to protect the
nest. On the other hand, their human counterparts go in the opposite
direction. Is it any wonder why dating seems nerve-wrackingly not
natural?
Who knew that
sports therapy could keep couples together? A little play by play
knowledge, some over priced snacks and drinks, and wearing the team
colors in face paint. And afterwards you get to continue the bonding at
a few wedding and baby showers. They're basically the same things, but
with pastels and bows.
Sometimes it's
o.k. to be a sports widow. Although if you are in Denver right now, then
it might be in your best interest to don the purple and black team
colors of the Rockies baseball team. And an added bonus? Maybe little
couple's time might go more than 9 innings, if you share the joy.
Really, has
anyone gone to war over wrinkles or cellulite? Maybe more for a little
"size matters" competition.
Just because you’ve
been with your partner for a long time, doesn’t mean you know every
thing there is to know about them. Each one of us hopefully grows and
develops a little every day. So keep checking in before they slowly
morph into something very different, so you can track progress.
Ever visit a web
site, only to see an "under construction" sign? Wouldn't it be nice to
have a portable version of that some days?!
Weekends are great to catch up on your "to-do" list. And it's a
great time to torch it so you have something left to do on Monday. Go
hang out with someone you love. Could be a pet, yourself, or someone
else significant.
Touché Dailies USED:
Touché Used:
Wkd 4/18-20/08~Hmmm...going to a
conference this weekend. Need: knee pads, water and a notebook. Mind out
of the gutter--it's for belly dance. Sword not included.
Th 4/17/08~I read that 42 cents out of every U.S. tax dollar goes to the
military. So, can I hock a hummer on Craigslist and pay my taxes, since
technically, I own it??
W 4/16/08~I wonder if "Red Bull" and
Aspirin are legitimate medical expenses when doing your taxes?
T 4/15/08~Boy, everyone's gunning for "green." A new ad says, "Stop
global warming." And continues, "Or all the Reese's will melt." And I
thought all the unpronounceable chemicals in the peanut butter cups
would keep it fresh forever.
M 4/14/08~Visited MySpace.com lately? You
can definitely tell those who might be in between gainful employment
gigs. Or 12.
Wkd
4/11-13/08~Having a tough time telling your parents you're with
child? Have them see the movie Juno or just explain, "my eggo is
prego."
Th 4/10/08~It is truly a television programming travesty, when "Afro Samuari" is competing for
fine cable viewership against "Death to Smoochy."
W 4/9/08~Newsflash: They're classifying "excessive texting" as a
mental illness. Raise your hand if you think the cellular companies will
profit, and the rest of us will laugh our a***s off.
T 4/8/08~How come, no matter which weather-related season change we go through,
it's always still a political season?
M 4/7/08~I've heard that a
true optimist thinks the glass is completely full: half with water and
half with air. Wow, that, is great spin! I wonder if I
could use that theory with my bank account.
Wkd 4/4-6/08~I just heard a radio
ad where a plumber got the infamous 867-5309 number and music, made
popular by the Tommy Two Tone song. That gives a whole new meaning
to the lyric line, "for a good time, call..."
Th 4/3/08~Birthday Edition!*
Funny-the older I get,
the younger "older" gets!
W 4/2/08~The day after April Fools Day. Time to unstick all the things your
cubicle-mates glued together.
T 4/1/08~Happy April Fools Day. Your bills were due yesterday.
M 3/31/08~Happy Cesar Chavez Day (civil and workers rights). Perhaps eat some
grapes in honor of him. Pesticide-free. Or celebrate the day with
him personally.
Wkd 3/28-30/08~I'm thinking the model for this man-girdle, is not really in
need of hiding his washboard abs. But image of the applicable
demographic? Oooh, didn't mean to disturb your weekend visual.
Th 3/26/08~Do you like reality shows? Is life really that pathetic?W 3/26/08~Really tired and hate cats? Take a dog nap.
3/25/08~Daylight savings is so nice. More light. More happy. More global
warming. More frying.
M 3/24/08~How American's can reduce greenhouse gasses? Drop the obese status. Less
poundage in driving=less gas + more breathing time. Now back away from the keys to
the Hummer and walk to get the remote.
Wkd 3/21-23/08~Looking
for Easter eggs this weekend? Keep it clean. Keep it legal. There's
children present.
Th 3/20/08~Spring cleaning time. I think that means cleaning out your bank account
for tax season.
W 3/19/08~Last day of Winter! Layer today, strip tomorrow.
T 3/28/08~My
congressman mailed me a slick report mentioning environmental progress
(using our tax payer dollars). I'm thinking e-mail (or even a small post
card) would have relayed that message more convincingly.
M 3/17/08~It's that time of the year again...to eat green, drink green
and Erin-go-braless.
Wkd 3/14-16/08~
Again...real ad copy for a new male "Push Up Biker
Boxer Brief": "Increase your confidence by improving your
appearance. Push up boxer briefs will help you get the look you want.
Padded pouch for more defined shape and upfront enhanced look."
So if
padding the back end is "junk in the trunk," then this would be "more
horse under the hood?"
Th 3/13/08~
W 3/12/08~What? Not laughing much? Eat a carb!
T 3/11/08~A "telescoping steering wheel" must come in really handy if you drive
into a lake.
M 3/10/08~
Wkd 3/7-9/08~T.G.I.F. sounds a whole lot better than the original version:
TGIFFBMLSSMTAIHTLFTITWWICGMEDAIMIA* (*Thank God it's Freakin' Friday
because my life sucks so much that all I have to look forward to is the
weekend when I can get my errands done and indulge my impending
alcoholism.)
Th 3/6/08~The following are reasons why I don't believe in guns: t.v. game shows,
mini vans (or station wagons with wood paneling), kayaking. Because I probably would shoot myself, if near,
watching, or
participating in any of those.
W 3/5/08~"Spamalot." Who knew that a canned processed lunch meat could become
such an entertaining theatrical musical?!
T 3/4/08~Aren't pets wonderful? Especially since they
usually don't bring up your worst qualities at inappropriate or
embarrassing moments (like family and friends gleefully would.)
M 3/3/08~Hmmmm...I have to pay to text the "stop" message to
the company that keeps sending me text messages on my cell phone, that
I'm getting charged for?!
Leap Year Weekend
Edition,
February 29-March 2, 2008:
Is it better to look before you
leap? Or do you rethink that, after the cops show up?
Th 2/28/08~Sometimes Hollywood movies are better on the Spanish
channel. Especially if you don't know Spanish.
W 2/27/08~ No Brainer Day. Uh, think of something ironic here. Wait, don't.
T 2/26/08~Mini Coopers are so darn cute. Like a pricey clown car.
M 2/25/08~Today is the first Monday of the rest of your week.
Th 2/21/08~Funny how the people who should read this, probably wouldn't. Even if
they are the inspiration for the humorous jab. Does that make the last
laugh on them...or me?
Th 2/14/08~Chocolate,
Roses, Diamonds. For everything other than your self-esteem, there's
Master Card.
My favorite holiday of the year!!
W 2/13/08~Which
is your candlelight theme song, "Burnin' For You", or "Burinin' Down the
House?"
T 2/12/08~A real Valentine's
gift: A pair of boxer shorts that say "Burnin' For You." I
think they have a cream for that.
M 2/11/08~Spin is a great thing. Not so fun when "cuddly" means built like Jabba
the Hutt.
(From the Grammy Awards Sunday night:
OMH factor of 10...now I love Aretha Franklin...but I'm sorry, a
spaghetti-strap canary yellow dress??? When the gelatinous
shoulders hide the straps? what the Jabba?!)
Wkd 2/8-10/08~Two conventions in the same building this weekend: The
Sex Show and The Golf Show. Gee, I hope they don't get their outfits
mixed up.
Welcome Convention
Participants!
Th 2/7/08~Celebrating your inner rodent today?
Happy
Chinese New Year!
Year of the Rat
W 2/6/08~Sleeping off the Super Tuesday Caucus, or Mardi Gras? I suppose it
depends on who you woke up with.
Super Tuesday
T 2/5/08~Caucus?
Mardi Gras? As long as no one shouts out to Hillary, "show us your
****[frontal anatomy]," for beads, then we should all be o.k.
Wkd 2/1-3/08~Ah,
Superbowl weekend. I forgot. What ads are playing again?
Th 1/31/08~It's still my favorite non-Martha idea: If the Christmas stuff is still
up, just pull the green stuff, throw a few hearts in, and call it early
for Valentine's Day. (Like January has a decoratable holiday, anyway!)
W 1/30/08~Why does "unconditional" love...usually have a caveat?
Wkd 1//25-27/08~If a joke is told in the forest, does anyone heckle?
Th 1/24/08~Win a date
with a suspected murderer? (Drew Peterson's new contest) Wow, possible
dismemberment on a first date! Talk about your funny "how we met"
stories.
T 1/15/08~Real ad copy for a new men's
product..."Skip the lunges and squats! Add some junk to your trunk with
padded butt boxer briefs." Sometimes jokes aren't even needed, when the
truth is this good! I love my job.
M 1/13/08~"Padded Butt Boxer Briefs" for men would be a lot funnier if I
didn't know so many men who could use a pair.
Wkd, 1/11-13/08:Alcohol:
the key that opens that little "tact" door in the back of your
brain.
W 1/9/09~Writer's strike, schmiters strike. Read online humor here. You aren't
charged and I only rip off myself.
Wkd 1/4-6/08~Former
President Bill Clinton wrote a new book called, "Giving." Uh, who wrote
the book, "Receiving?"
Th 1/3/08~
W 1/2/08~Ah for the New Year's resolution: find and burn
last year's resolution list.
T 1/1/08~I'm not sure of how eating black-eyed peas fit into the
New Year's day Southern tradition of prosperity. Unless it's in
reference to gas produced.
Enjoy a tootin' Happy New Year's!
M 12/31/07:How'd
you do this year? More importantly...did you get caught?
Happy New Year's Eve!
May more laughter be on all of our agendas for 2008.
Wkd 12/28-30/07~Oh no, a Hollywood writer's strike. Time to catch up on reality t.v. I
mean, your life.
Wkd 12/21/07-12/23/07~Raise your glass of spiked eggnog. Here's to putting the "ho" back in
the holidays.
Th 12/13/07~Ever wonder if bi-polar disorder is affecting way more people these
days? Kind of like peanut allergies. Just more fun stuff to medicate and
separate.
W 12/12/07~What's on your wish list this season? World peace? Or a new car stereo,
so you don't instigate insurgency in traffic?
T 12/11/07~
It's fascinating to watch the BBC channel. That's where local news
really is world news.
M
12/10/07~Don't pity the
striking Hollywood writers too much. Some of us out there
have been writing for a lot less, for years!
Wkd
12/7-9/07~'Tis the season to text message your friends: "MRY XMAS 2 U."
Th 12/6/07~How's this for a stocking stuffing idea?? ...A foot.
W 12/5/07~Victoria's Secret has a sale on sleepwear. Girl on girl pillow
fight not included.
T
12/4/07~When did those little gift card holders, become such hot selling
items?
M 12/3/07~Rock musician Steve Miller's godfather is Les Paul. If you've gotta kiss
a legacy ring, why not the musical godfather of guitars?!
Wkd 11/30-12/2/07~It's nice to know
you're still getting lap dances. Too bad it's from the cat.
Th
11/29/07~I heard the U.N. is adopting a new world slogan: "Global warming--not
just for Americans, anymore."
W 11/28/07~It's fun to fantasize about changing careers. Until the fun part wares
off and the work part kicks in.
T
11/27/07~I missed the great cheap turkey sale at the grocery store. So I got a
duck and a chicken instead. Wonder if I'm breaking any codes for poultry
substitution?
M 11/26/07~Don't you love a little unpredictability in relationships? That "come
hither" look mixed in with those "get out of my scope site, if you want to
live" moods.
Wkd
11/23-25~"Black Friday." How can shopping ever have such an evil name?
"Cyber Monday" sounds much perkier. Maybe because the turkey has
digested. Plus you can get sleep and then shop in your jammies. Beats of
racing to a store in the middle of the night for a bargain-unless the
visiting holiday relatives are more obnoxious than the fellow
competitive shoppers.
Th 11/22/07~Happy T-Day. Have fun with the turkey baster and the Aunt
Jamima treatment (you remember "Stripes?"). Just wash those utensils
really well before you serve your guests.W 11/21/07~Did you know that a "sssssssssssss" sound is a
good thing to encourage a great belly dancing performance in the quieter
moments? Quite the opposite effect if used in baseball.T
11/20/07~Here's an idea...put the toothpaste on the mechanical
toothbrush, before you turn it on. Unless you like your bathroom
decorated in dental stucco.
M
11/19/07~Ah,
the details of life. Make to-do list. Rip hair out at ridiculous to-do
list. Ignore to-do list.
Wkd 11/16-18/07~Ain’t relationships
a kick in the pants? Not just the groin area, but the wallet? Fa, la,
la, la, la...la la la, la!
Th 11/15/07~"Boy, her next cup of coffee needs to be decaf!" (lovingly
eves-dropped from a passerby's conversation at El Rancho)
W 11/14/07~Ah, the universe is a funny prankster. It gives us energy, a
huge amount of choices, and makes caffeine available. And sometimes, it
likes to yank out the rug we're standing on, just to see if we're paying
attention.
T 11/13/07~Don't you love cute little pet names? Almost as much as a love tap in
the head with a frying pan?
M 11/12/07~Oh cool.
Chinese beads that turn into the date rape drug when swallowed. Guess
you don't need to break into the vet's office anymore. Just beware of
that colorful and funny plastic taste in your drinks, ladies.
Wkd 11/9-11/07~WARNING: Look away now. You probably don't
want to know this.
OMG Factor: 9 out of 10.
Kitty Litter Cake. The ultimate in weird, gross, party treats. It's
visually disturbing. And though completely edible for adults, you'd
definitely have leftovers, unless served to children or dogs.
(Basically a regular cake, covered with crushed up vanilla sandwich
cookies, with some semi-melted Tootsie Rolls, and it's served in a new
cat litter pan with a new litter scoop. Use a liner for extra "ew"
effect.)
Th 11/8/07~WARNING:
the following may make you ill, while you laugh. (It's gross. You've
been warned!)
OMG Factor: 10 out of
10
There are reports of a "drug" called Jenkem interesting kids in America
(you guys, stop trying to live the "Jackass" show concept for your real
life, eh?). (Someone was smoking something really off to think of this!)
It's basically human waste (yep, #1 & #2) that is fermented and inhaled as a
hallucinogen.
Oh all of the crappy humor that will be spawned from this-just from the
nicknames alone. As the radio announcer joked, "Don't bogart the
butt hash." Consider yourself at the back end of cutting edge
knowledge.
W
11/07/07~Funny, on a search for pumpkin farms, one sounded a little odd: Colon
Farms. Seriously, would you want to purchase your produce here?
T 11/6/07~Does anyone else see the irony of the Botox advertising line,
"Express yourself?!"
M 11/5/07~Did you know the new chess king is a queen? Susan Polgar was the first
to win chess' international triple crown. Isn't it cool
when brainiac geeks have their stereotypic image checkmated by a chick?
Wkd 11/2-4/07~Sure every day is a present. But do any of them have a return policy?
Th
11.01.07:
Who ever said, "you can't take it with you," has never partied with the
worms.
Rockies
Rally Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 31, 2007:
Gosh darn, gee whiz!
For the great pumpkin search Charlie Brown, why not try Happy Apple
Farm? Curious: what happens to the sad apples? Do they get sauced? -Ché Rippinger,
Humorist
Tuesday,
ROCKTOBER 30, 2007:
Hey Broncos: Nice
nail-biter endings. Are we going to need defibrillator paddles for the
entire football season?! -Ché Rippinger,
Humorist
Monday,
Roctober 29, 2007: World Series 2007
You Made HISTORY!
Congratulations on winning the National League Pennant! The World Series
scoreboard may have said Red Sox, but the Colorado Rockies baseball team
won our hearts. You united our city and state with positive energy and
integrity. Thank You! So proud to wear purple!
Monday,
ROCKTOBER 29, 2007:
Fun to see so many Red
Sox fans in Denver for the World Series. They may have won the game, but
they left their wallets. -Ché Rippinger,
Humorist
Sunday,
Roctober 28, 2007: World Series 2007
Go Ahead and Make HISTORY!
I just learned this from a fellow fan at Coors Field last
night-turn your baseball cap inside out and upside-down and put it back
on. The logo still shows. Yeah, it's goofy and superstitious. Welcome to
baseball. I did it first and we scored. Others around did it and we
scored and the team made more great plays. Try it. We've got a
World Series to WIN and nothing to lose!
Weekend Edition,
ROCKTOBER 26-28, 2007:
Rockies
come back to roost in Denver for games 3, 4 and 5 of the World Series.
Let's show 'em that the Purple Monster trumps the Green Monster...with
altitude, boys!
Wednesday,
ROCKTOBER 24, 2007:
Ah, a whole
day spent trying to get World Series tickets. Any advancements in world
peace that I missed?
W 10/24/07~Ah, a whole day spent trying to get World
Series tickets. Any advancements in world peace that I missed?
T
10/23/07~Ever have those days when you put your foot in your mouth? And have you
noticed that change in shoe size?
Tuesday,
ROCKTOBER 23, 2007:
Ever have those days when you put your foot in your mouth? And have you
noticed that change in shoe size?
*O.K. Folks! Here's the belly
dance show video of just our
"Evening in Transylvania" piece, posted on YouTube.com-it's in
two parts, so watch them both (about 11 minutes total)
Part one
Part deux
Monday, ROCKTOBER 22, 2007:
They were going to make a movie called, "4 Blondes and a Funeral," but
they couldn't figure out if they were supposed to breathe or not.
Weekend Edition,
ROCKTOBER 19-21, 2007:
You
expect me to dance, AND do the math??! *
*P.S. This is utterly hilarious to dancers, since we
need to constantly count in our heads to get the moves
right. Dedicated to my fellow belly dance vampires:
Countess Rafi'ah, Saira, Naia, Laura, & crypt-keeper
Kendra, for our show performance Saturday night.
(pictured: Countess
Rafi'ah)
Wednesday,
ROCKTOBER 17, 2007:
Just think of all the digital pictures we're taking and saving for
future generations. The kids will have a blast saying, "Gee, we really
should go through grandpa's 3 million pic digistick."
Purple Tuesday,
ROCKTOBER 16, 2007:
There are a whole heck of a lot of
sports injuries in Denver today. Not the athletes. It's
all the sports fans - jumping on the Rockies Bandwagon!
Tuesday,
ROCKTOBER 16, 2007:
The celebration at Coors Field in lodo Denver last night was so unbelievable! Great fans,
great police, very few problems and a whole lot of
celebration for an amazing home team. My favorite was
all the folks with decorated brooms, sweeping and high-fiving
each other overhead with the broom heads. I never
realized how much sports can bring people together. From
my belly dance class, to artist friends and fellow
Rockies baseball fans around the field, we're all
celebrating the "Miracle on Blake Street!"
Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies--the Cinderella
team who just won the National League Championships!(Stay Tuned For Rockies Celebration Pics...including a fun one
with Carl Bernstein of Watergate reporter fame.)
Weekend Edition,
October 12-14, 2007:
Life's too short to do stupid stuff. And not laugh about it.
Wednesday,
October 10, 2007:
Seriously, classic crooner Paul Anka covered the Van Halen song, "Jump." Wow, now even
grandmama can rock out at the next wedding reception.
Tuesday, October
9, 2007:
The kids are back in school. Time to record all your favorite new t.v.
season shows and still not have the time to watch them.
Monday, October
8, 2007:
It's great to celebrate with gift giving. You look good, and then the
terrorists don't win.
Happy Birthday Dad!
Weekend Edition, October 5-7, 2007:
Gotta love the Aerosmith song, "Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees."
Really, because how long's a guy gotta hang out in that position with a
ring box propped open?
Thursday, October 4, 2007:
I
blame global warming for body parts hanging lower. It's making
all that perky fat, sag.
Ah...Fall. Hot apple cider, earlier sunset walks, and
crisp autumn leaves down the back of your shirt from a loved one.
Wednesday, October 3,
2007:
Ah...Fall. Hot apple cider, earlier sunset walks, and crisp
autumn leaves down the back of your shirt from a loved one.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007:
Ever get the feeling that the calendar companies speed up the
year, just to increase business?
Monday, October 1, 2007:
Gotta love the new song,
"My Girlfriend is a Sociopath" by indie band I Hate Kate. Seriously, it's a really catchy tune,
with a great stalker beat you can dance to.
Weekend Edition,
September 28-30, 2007:
"Menopause-The
Musical!" "Mid-Life! The Crisis Musical." "The Great American
Trailer Park Musical." What's next in attention span theatre?
"Genital Warts--The Musical?!"
Thursday,
September 27, 2007:
A new study says men with lower voices have more
children. So, vocal tone is the new male sperm count?
Wednesday,
September 26, 2007:
Roadside sign: "$8 Haircuts + Produce Special."
Really? One stop beauty and veggie shopping? Hmmm...
Weekend Edition,
September 21-23, 2007:
I’d love to learn
new languages. Just enough to show some Americans do care, and can still
mispronounce lots of things to a variety of cultures.
Th 9/20/07~I am not up for irony before caffeine.
Wkd
9/14-16/07~Getting stood up for an expensive dinner date: $150.
Fresh floral arrangement: $45. Accoutrements for post-dinner
entertainment: $85. Using all as comedic material instead:
Priceless.
Th 9/13/07~It must be nice to be a stay-at-home mom. Who
wouldn’t want that great laundry workout, applesauce facial, and
U.N. translation for the under tot set.
W 9/12/07~Forget about the axis of evil, what about the axis of
taxes?
T 9/11/07~Sometimes humor or entertainment doesn’t seem very
important in the grand scale of things. And sometimes they are
exactly what we need to get through the grand scale of things.
M 9/10/07~Thrills. Spills. Chills. And that’s just Monday
morning at the office.
