Tuesday, July 22, 2008: Whole Foods did a commendable ecological thing: they eliminated plastic bags because they take up resources and end up blowing around outside.  Cosmic joke or oxymoron? I just found a Whole Foods plastic bag (post bag ban) wind-wrapped around one of my landscaping lights. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, July 21, 2008: Things that make you go, "What the...?!": The Del Monte corporation has regular and organic bananas at the local market. The organic ones they put in a plastic bag. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, July 18-20, 2008: Ah, my favorite drug side effect: Death.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, July 17, 2008: Remember when the term "train wreck" used to describe a vehicle, rather than someone's personality?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, July 16, 2008: How brilliant of a line is this for a drug warning, "Some people with heart failure should not..." Uh, what, like anything?? Helloooooo, it's heart failure. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, July 15, 2008: Things that make you go "What The..." When you hire a job out, isn't it supposed to make your life easier?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, July 14, 2008: The nice thing about laughter? It inappropriately fits in at sad times and lightens your spirits.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Brothers from a different mother...my bud Boca and mom's beautiful Brave Heaven has 2 new angels... Braveheart-(white pooch on the right) my mom's gorgeous stoic, and eventually playful (only with us), wolf-blend dog; rescued from abuse to a ranch, to her home, and of course into our hearts. He left us Friday July 11th to be in a place to walk and play without the restrictions of an ailing body. Bless his Brave Heart! Johnny Schou-(2nd from left) a young bassist from the local band Tickle Me Pink out of Fort Collins. Tragically found dead on the morning the band was to celebrate it's first record's nationwide release and signing to a major record label. He'd just celebrated his 22nd birthday and the band performed at the huge Vans Warped Tour 2 days before at Invesco Field in Denver. Their album release party turned into his memorial. Rock on Johnny and TMP-thoughts, blessings and healing.

Weekend Edition, July 11-13, 2008: Ah, stupid people. Thank goodness I have a humorous outlook and don't believe in guns or violence. And how am I still Italian??-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, July 10, 2008: Now here's a real news tease: "Aurora no longer requiring pants at work for some people. (more on that story at 10)" Gee, either I should work for that company, or date the television writer who's that desperate for viewers.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, July 9, 2008: Alright, hands up: Who all has “Another One Bites The Dust” as their romantic theme song? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, July 8, 2008: The truth revealed..."Dasani" is "You're an idiot for buying bottled water," spelled backwards. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, July 7, 2008: Wow, for the first time since Prohibition, we can buy real liquor in Colorado on Sundays. I'd loved to have been that first person in line--not because I need the alcohol--just to support the cause! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holiday Fourth of July Weekend Edition, July 4-6, 2008: Water and electricity: pyrotechnics for jackasses. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, July 3, 2008: A man came into our gift store and said, "Oh, you sell antiques!" He was pointing to the computer I was working on. He'll be so happy to celebrate future holidays with his family, as I did not reach over the counter to smack him upside the head.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, July 2, 2008: I love to tell someone their pants are ringing. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, July 1, 2008: I saw a great bumper sticker that said, "Support your local hospitals, play hockey." I'm thinking they get charity  business from skateboarding, skydiving and many others, too. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, June 30, 2008: Do you have a "cash pedal?" According to UrbanDictionary.com it's the nickname for your accelerator pedal in your car, in times of high gas prices. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 27-29, 2008: There's a new song out with the lyrics, "Shush girl. Shut your lips. Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips." Ah, if only communication was only that easy. (Song is "Don't Trust Me" by 3oh!3  -check it out on 93.3 KTCL) Rock your weekend!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, June 26, 2008: Hollywood is a fickle mistress. One who will never call you her boyfriend. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, June 25, 2008: My humor is only as good as my caffeine.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, June 24, 2008: Ya know, most of us wouldn't be so upset with a little identity theft, if we could switch identities for someone with stellar credit. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, June 23, 2008: Have a nasty hangover from partying a little too much? Well here's a lively learned word from www.dictionary.com's fun word of the day feature: "crapulous." As in, you are probably feeling really crapulous having both drank too much and acted like an idiot.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 20-22, 2008: When I hear of "padded butt boxer briefs" for men, I also I hear, "about damn time" running through my head. (If you need the visual, check out the past dailies, for man pics.--Good thing this kind of humorous entertainment is free!) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, June 19, 2008: Don't you wish sometimes you could still use the childhood logic and taunts into adulthood? Like telling your boss, "I am rubber and you are glue. What bounces off me, sticks to you!"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, June 18, 2008: There's an audio/musical cd called, "Rock Against Bush, Volume 2." Hmmm...where was I to miss Volume #1?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, June 17, 2008: Did you know that they make doggie wheelchairs? It's fascinating to see seemingly funny solutions to serious things, after you find you need them. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, June 16, 2008: I'm not sure. Does it take incredible skill or stupidity to text...while riding a bicycle?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, June 13-15, 2008: The HBO store has an ad to sell the "Sopranos" dvd set, promoting it with, "Celebrate Dad" for Father's Day. Uh, yeah...with like the ultimate whack job. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Happy Father's Day to all dads, grandpas and all the great father figures helping raise good kids! Thursday, June 12, 2008: My sarcasm is inversely proportionate to sunlight.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, June 11, 2008: When you're younger, you stay up 'til  the wee hours. When you get older, they turn into wee-wee hours. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Happy Birthday Mom! Tuesday, June 10, 2008: I'm sensing a little irony coming on here. How come my insurance premium went up...for uninsured motorists? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, June 9, 2008: Did you have a good weekend? Did your bail bondsman appreciate the tip?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Shimmy for the Cure* Weekend Edition, June 5, 2008: Who ever thought of mixing energy drinks with alcohol? Because super-charged drunks are so much better than regular ones.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, June 5, 2008: When your life flashes before your eyes, is it a comedy? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, June 4, 2008: My dad told me about his new "terrain avoidance" gauge. Now doesn't that seem like a logical/important instrument to have in the cockpit of a plane? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, June 3, 2008: All seasons are great, aren't they? Especially summer, when you get to see how much more skin you stored up from this past winter. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, June 2, 2008: Yes, the new "Sex And The City" movie is fabulous! I recommend seeing it with estrogen. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

*Weekend Edition, May 30-June 1, 2008: HBO sells t-shirts that say, "I'm a Carrie (Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda)." How come they're not cashing in on the, "I'm a recovering cosmo drinker" angle? Happy "Sex And The City" movie opening weekend! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist *martini photo from www.martinipic.com custom sterling silver martini pics for the prettiest cosmo ever! Wednesday, May 28, 2008: "Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, dumb rhyme, blah. Blah, blah, dumb rhyme, blah." Wow. Rock lyric writing 101. Oh wait. That's Ted Nugent's "Wango Tango" song. He can shoot my a** from 90,000 yards with a bow and arrow. Never mind. Happy Hump Day -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, May 27, 2008: Because of out-of-left-field gas prices, some folks are using real horse-power. The "emissions" may be big and stinky, but at least it's biodegradable (and fertilizing).  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, May 23-25, 2008: If you were cast as "Dumbass Friend #2," would you skip it on your resume, because you couldn't make it as "Dumbass Friend #1?" (end credits of "Blind Dating") -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, May 22, 2008: Did you know, they make "thigh girdles" for men? Holy Cow. I do NOT want to see those "before" pictures. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, May 21, 2008: It's nice to know he's a half a bubble past plum. In a parallel universe, with no tools. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, May 20, 2008: A "Push Up Biker Boxer Brief" for men?? Well, perhaps these are really necessary, if you're going to ride a scooter. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, May 19, 2008: Never let them see you sweat. Unless they're your deodorant sponsors.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, May 16-18, 2008: I don't understand the renewed fashion craze of super high heel shoes. Why would you wear those to walk around in downtown? Unless you're there to make a profit. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, May 15, 2008: Who doesn't enjoy a little identity theft? Especially with someone else with better credit.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, May 14, 2008: Here's a great drug company profit & marketing model: add "syndrome," or "mania" onto pretty much any activity. Then, let the side effects for that cause something else you've heard of, so you can get more drugs prescribed for the new thing(s). -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, May 13, 2008: Is it just me, or does it seem like the drug companies are just making health issues up?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, May 12, 2008: What's the upside spin on exponentially skyrocketing gas costs? The postal increase seems kinda dinky in comparison .  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, May 9-11, 2008: Kids really do hear what mom's say. It may just take a few years or decades to see results. Happy Mother's Day--in whatever format that may take for you! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, May 8, 2008: Gray's Anatomy had a bit of overworked, stress-releasing intern advice, "Dance it out!" Great idea, as long as you're not in a cubicle. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, May 7, 2008: If we could all eat more ice cream, the world would be a happier place. Maybe that and nap time. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, May 6, 2008: When life hands you lemons, add vodka. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, May 5, 2008: Ah, spring is in the air. For some, it's love. For others, it's allergies. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, May 2-4, 2008: Wahooooo! First Friday (the concentrated area, gallery-hopping art walk) makes it to Belmar in Lakewood. See art. And exhausted artists who just got their stuff in moments before the deadline.*** -Ché Rippinger, Humorist ***I've been hard at work with a handful of folks to put together probably our biggest Colorado Alliance of Illustrators Shows ever! We have over 40 artists with over 80 pieces displayed in 2 galleries! (Whew!) You can join us for the gala kickoff on First Friday at Belmar in Lakewood, CO (with food & drinks). The show will be on display for the month of May. I have 3 pieces on display: two cartoons and a magazine cover. Here's a sampling of the amazing variety of CAI artist's works. And here's the show info link Thursday, May 1, 2008: As it turns out, when you're in coughing mode, overdone or stinky-perfumed people, don't help much. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Bonus Joke Round: Mom asking 20 questions by phone. Uh, not helpful with laryngitis!!! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Wednesday, April 30, 2008: Ever get so busy, that you were too busy to call for help? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Tuesday, April 29, 2008: It's hilarious to watch other people whisper...because I lost my voice!  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Monday, April 28, 2008: Crud. "Sick" is only a get out of jail free card with your social and work situations. Not your bill collectors. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Weekend Edition, April 25-26 2008: Man being sick sucks! But I finally figured out a way to communicate (without the luxury of voice) with mom, since she keeps calling.  One phone key tone for "yes" and two for "no."  At the end of the conversation, it was so cute, she said: "Bye, beep." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Thursday, April 24 2008: Ah, laryngitis. Fun. Especially when mom keeps calling by phone to ask how sick I am, and then gets mad, because she can't understand me. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Wednesday, April 23 2008: Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do this with cellulite. Oh yeah. We sort of can. Happy Day after Earth Day. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Tuesday, April 22 2008: 'Tis the day to show how green you are. So go get jealous. And buy some spiral light bulbs. Happy Earth Day. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Monday, April 21, 2008: Planning, saving and scheduling for a big weekend conference/event for several months...$$$. Being down for the count afterwards because I tried to cram too much in...priceless. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Weekend Edition, April 18-20, 2008: Hmmm...going to a conference this weekend. Need: knee pads, water and a notebook. Mind out of the gutter--it's for belly dance. Sword not included. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Thursday, April 17, 2008: I read that 42 cents out of every U.S. tax dollar goes to the military. So, can I hock a Hummer on Craigslist and pay my taxes, since technically, I own it?? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Wednesday, April 16, 2008: I wonder if "Red Bull" and Aspirin are legitimate medical expense when doing your taxes? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Tuesday, April  15, 2008: Boy, everyone's gunning for "green." A new ad says, "Stop global warming." And continues, "Or all the Reese's will melt." And I thought all the unpronounceable chemicals in the peanut butter cups would keep it fresh forever. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Monday, April  14, 2008:    Visited MySpace.com lately? You can definitely tell those who might be in between gainful employment gigs.  Or 12. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Weekend Edition, April  11-13, 2008:    Having a tough time telling your parents you're with child? Have them see the movie Juno or just explain, "my eggo is prego." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Thursday, April  10, 2008:    It is truly a television programming travesty, when "Afro Samuari" is competing for fine cable viewership against  "Death to Smoochy." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Wednesday, April  9, 2008: Newsflash: They're classifying "excessive texting" as a mental illness. Raise your hand if you think the cellular companies will profit, and the rest of us will laugh our a***s off. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Tuesday, April  8, 2008:    How come, no matter which weather-related season change we go through, it's always still a political season? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Monday, April  7, 2008: I've heard that a true optimist thinks the glass is completely full: half with water and half with air. Wow, that, is great spin! I wonder if I could use that theory with my bank account. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl

Weekend Edition, April  4-6, 2008: I just heard a radio ad where a plumber got the infamous 867-5309 number and music, made popular by the Tommy Two Tone song.  That gives a whole new meaning to the lyric line, "for a good time, call..." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl Birthday Edition!* Thursday, April  3, 2008: Funny-the older I get, the younger "older" gets! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist & Birthday Girl *Birthday Alert!* April 3rd is a big deal for this giggly girl. I'm psyched that the birthday fete includes: óI Hate Kate (cool band) at the Bluebird 4/3 (they sing the hip tune: I'm in Love With a Sociopath-soon to be a belly dance I'm choreographing) óAlvin Ailey Dance Theater with mom 4/4 ó(hopefully) improving my doumbek skills at drum practice on 4/5 óA bunch of really pretty (and perhaps healthy?) single-size desserts from Whole Foods. Not much of a cake person (except for cheese cake and ice cream cake)...but those exquisite little pint sized pretties like tarts and berries and maybe some handmade gelato, too delectible-looking to pass up! And since everyone's gotta have a B-Day wish list (besides world peace and health, happiness and prosperity for everyone...(and getting my toons in The New Yorker, Playboy and some more in PLAYGIRL)...just thought I'd get it out in the universe.: ó Elevation 2008 classes-because a belly dancer's always gotta learn something fun, new and cool (there's 5 in the session I want to get to that are still available). ó Subscription to the New Yorker magazine & Playgirl (yep, we all have to buy our own) ó Foo Fighters Concert at Red Rocks ó Police/Elvis Costello Concert at Red Rocks ó Joe Cocker & Steve Miller Band at Red Rocks óBig brass kick plates for my doors (pretty & functional) óA portable dvd player that works P.S. Mom's birthday is coming up on June 11th. We have 3 months of solid celebration: My b-day in April, May Day and Mother's Day, then her b-day in June.  Feel free to send gifts. He he, ha ha. Wednesday, April  2, 2008: The day after April Fools Day. Time to unstick all the things your cubicle-mates glued together. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, March 32, 2008: Happy April Fools Day. Your bills were due yesterday. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, March 31, 2008: Happy Cesar Chavez Day (civil and workers rights). Perhaps eat some grapes in honor of him. Pesticide-free. Or celebrate the day with him personally. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 28-30, 2008:   I'm thinking the model for this man-girdle, is not really in need of hiding his washboard abs. But image of the applicable demographic? Oooh, didn't mean to disturb your weekend visual. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, March 27, 2008: Do you like reality shows? Is life really that pathetic? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, March 26, 2008: Really tired and hate cats? Take a dog nap. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, March 25, 2008: Daylight savings is so nice. More light. More happy. More global warming. More frying. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, March 25, 2008: Daylight savings is so nice. More light. More happy. More global warming. More frying.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, March 24, 2008: How American's can reduce greenhouse gasses? Drop the obese status. Less poundage in driving=less gas + more breathing time. Now back away from the keys to the Hummer and walk to get the remote. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Hoppin' Weekend Edition, March 21-23, 2008: Looking for Easter eggs this weekend? Keep it clean. Keep it legal. There's children present.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, March 20, 2008: Spring cleaning time. I think that means cleaning out your bank account for tax season. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, March 19, 2008: Last day of Winter! Layer today, strip tomorrow. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, March 18, 2008: My congressman mailed me a slick report mentioning environmental progress (using our tax payer dollars). I'm thinking e-mail (or even a small post card) would have relayed that message more convincingly.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, March 17, 2008: It's that time of the year again...to eat green, drink green and Erin-go-braless.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Weekend Edition, March 14-16, 2008: Real ad copy for a new male "Push Up Biker Boxer Brief": "Increase your confidence by improving your appearance. Push up boxer briefs will help you get the look you want. Padded pouch for more defined shape and upfront enhanced look." ...So if padding the back end is "junk in the trunk," then this would be "more horse under the hood?"-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, March 12, 2008: What? Not laughing much? Eat a carb! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, March 11, 2008: A "telescoping steering wheel" must come in really handy if you drive into a lake.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, March 7-9, 2008: T.G.I.F. sounds a whole lot better than the original version:   TGIFFBMLSSMTAIHTLFTITWWICGMEDAIMIA* (*Thank God it's Freakin' Friday because my life sucks so much that all I have to look forward to is the weekend when I can get my errands done and indulge my impending alcoholism.)  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, March 6, 2008: The following are reasons why I don't believe in guns: t.v. game shows, mini vans (or station wagons with wood paneling), kayaking. Because I probably would shoot myself, if near, watching, or participating in any of those.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, March 5, 2008: "Spamalot." Who knew that a canned processed lunch meat could become such an entertaining theatrical musical?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, March 4, 2008: Aren't pets wonderful? Especially since they usually don't bring up your worst qualities at inappropriate or embarrassing moments (like family and friends gleefully would.) -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, March 3, 2008: Hmmmm...I have to pay to text the "stop" message to the company that keeps sending me text messages on my cell phone, that I'm getting charged for?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holy Cow! This site has received well over 30,000 hits in February. Thank you for coming out to play and laugh.

Leap Year Weekend Edition, February 29-March 2, 2008: Is it better to look before you leap? Or do you rethink that, after the cops show up? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, February 28, 2008: Sometimes Hollywood movies are better on the Spanish channel. Especially if you don't know Spanish. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Holy Cow! This site has received over 30,000 hits in February. Thank you for coming out to play and laugh. Wednesday, February 27, 2008: Today is "No-Brainer Day." Uh, think of something ironic here. Wait, don't. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, February 26, 2008: Mini Coopers are so darn cute. Like a pricey clown car. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, February 25, 2008: Today is the first Monday of the rest of your week. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend, February 22-24, 2008: Funny how the people who should read this, probably wouldn't. Even if they are the inspiration for the humorous jab. Does that make the last laugh on them...or me? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, February 21, 2008: Happy "Love Your Pet" Day. Yo, Dude-affection, not biblical. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Thursday, February 14, 2008: Chocolate, Roses, Diamonds. For everything other than your self-esteem, there's Master Card. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist My favorite holiday of the year!! Happy Valentine's! Need extra time? Celebrate it this weekend! Wednesday, February 13, 2008: Which is your candlelight theme song, "Burnin' For You", or "Burinin' Down the House?" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, February 12, 2008: A real Valentine's gift: A pair of boxer shorts that say "Burnin' For You." I think they have a cream for that. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, February 11, 2008:  Spin is a great thing. Not so fun when "cuddly" means built like Jabba the Hutt.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist (From the Grammy Awards Sunday night: OMH factor of 10...now I love Aretha Franklin...but I'm sorry, a spaghetti-strap canary yellow dress??? When the  gelatinous shoulders hide the straps? what the Jabba?!)

Thursday, February 7, 2008:    Celebrating your inner rodent today?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist  Happy Chinese New Year! Year of the Rat   Wednesday, February 6, 2008:   Sleeping off the Super Tuesday Caucus, or Mardi Gras? I suppose it depends on who you woke up with.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Super Tuesday, February 5, 2008:  Caucus? Mardi Gras? As long as no one shouts out to Hillary, "show us your ****[frontal anatomy]," for beads, then we should all be o.k.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, February 1-3, 2008:  Ah, Superbowl weekend. I forgot. What ads are playing again?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, January 31, 2008:  It's still my favorite non-Martha idea: If the Christmas stuff is still up, just pull the green stuff, throw a few hearts in, and call it early for Valentine's Day. (Like January has a decoratable holiday, anyway!)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, January 30, 2008:  Why does "unconditional" love...usually have a caveat?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist *********  Please forgive the intermittent humor, as I've been spending more time with my pets Aspen, Boca and Capri. Aspen started slowing down on runs and walks in the fall. It was important to me to spend Christmas with her, since I had a sinking feeling it might be our last together. She started collapsing on a Saturday. I brought her to the vet on Monday (when they were open) and had one more week with her. But she went downhill health-wise so fast. The following Saturday, I had the opportunity to spend one last day with her. On A Sad Note: My sweetie girl Aspen, border collie mix and pound puppy of 11 years passed away 1/26/08. She is deeply loved and missed. Hopefully, she is running and playing off leash, with no fences and all the squeaky toys and treats she can possibly enjoy. Her wings are well earned.

Weekend Edition, January 25-27, 2008: If a joke is told in the forest, does anyone heckle?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, January 24, 2008: Win a date with a suspected murderer? (Drew Peterson's new contest) Wow, possible dismemberment on a first date! Talk about your funny "how we met" stories. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Wednesday, January 16, 2008: I'm thinking the model for this man-girdle, is not really in need of hiding his washboard abs. But image of the applicable demographic, might leave me mentally paralyzed. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, January 15, 2008: Real ad copy for a new men's product..."Skip the lunges and squats! Add some junk to your trunk with padded butt boxer briefs." Sometimes jokes aren't even needed, when the truth is this good! I love my job. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, January 14, 2008: "Padded Butt Boxer Briefs" for men... would be a lot funnier if I didn't know so many men who could use a pair.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, January 11-13, 2008: Alcohol: the key that opens that little "tact" door in the back of your brain.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, January 9, 2008: Writer's strike, schmiters strike. Read online humor here. You aren't charged and I only rip off myself.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Weekend Edition, January 4-6, 2008: Former President Bill Clinton wrote a new book called, "Giving." Uh, who wrote the book, "Receiving?" Wednesday, January 2, 2008: Ah for the New Year's resolution: find and burn last year's resolution list. Happy New Year! May more laughter be on all of our agendas for 2008. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, January 1, 2008: I'm not sure of how eating black-eyed peas fit into the New Year's day Southern tradition of prosperity. Unless it's in reference to gas produced.Enjoy a tootin' Happy New Year's! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, December 31, 2007: How'd you do this year? More importantly...did you get caught? Happy New Year's! May more laughter be on all of our agendas for 2008.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holly Days Weekend Edition, December 28-30, 2007: Oh no, a Hollywood writer's strike. Time to catch up on reality t.v. I mean, your life.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Holly Days Weekend Edition, December 21-23, 2007: Raise your glass of spiked eggnog. Here's to putting the "ho" back in the holidays.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, December 13, 2007: Ever wonder if bi-polar disorder is affecting way more people these days? Kind of like peanut allergies. Just more fun stuff to medicate and separate.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, December 12, 2007: What's on your wish list this season? World peace? Or a new car stereo, so you don't instigate insurgency in traffic?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, December 11, 2007: Ever go near one of those cars with a voice alarm that says, "Step away from the vehicle?" Don't you just want to step in and mess with it, because you were told not to, and that's a pompous thing for a car to say anyway?!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, December 10, 2007: Don't pity the striking Hollywood writers too much. Some of us out there have been writing for a lot less, for years!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist "BEEN THERE. TINSELED THAT."

Weekend Edition, December 7-9, 2007: 'Tis the season to text message your friends: "MRY XMAS 2 U."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist You just never know who is going to touch your life. It may be a best friend, a work colleague, or a person known only briefly.  But to have known that person, may make you a better one. In loving memory of a wonderful cartoonist and human being: Dan Gibson. Dan Gibson gets his own characiture on the Denver Press Club walls, after creating a third of the infamous wall for others (and having served as president and longtime member.) Thursday, December 6, 2007: How's this for a stocking stuffing idea?? ...A foot.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, December 5, 2007: Victoria's Secret has a sale on sleepwear. Girl on girl pillow fight not included.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, December 4, 2007: When did those little gift card holders, become such hot selling items?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, December 3, 2007: Rock musician Steve Miller's godfather is Les Paul. If you've gotta kiss a legacy ring, why not the musical godfather of guitars?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 30-December 2, 2007: It's nice to know you're still getting lap dances. Too bad it's from the cat.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, November 29, 2007: I heard the U.N. is adopting a new world slogan: "Global warming--not just for Americans, anymore."-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, November 28, 2007: It's fun to fantasize about changing careers. Until the fun part wares off and the work part kicks in.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, November 27, 2007: I missed the great cheap turkey sale at the grocery store. So I got a duck and a chicken instead. Wonder if I'm breaking any codes for poultry substitution?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, November 26, 2007: Don't you love a little unpredictability in relationships? That "come hither" look mixed in with those "get out of my scope site, if you want to live" moods.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 23-25, 2007: "Black Friday." How can shopping ever have such an evil name? "Cyber Monday" sounds much perkier.  Maybe because the turkey has digested. Plus you can get sleep and then shop in your jammies. Beats of racing to a store in the middle of the night for a bargain-unless the visiting holiday relatives are more obnoxious than the fellow competitive shoppers.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, November 22, 2007: Happy T-Day. Have fun with the turkey baster and the Aunt Jamima treatment (you remember "Stripes?"). Just wash those utensils really well before you serve your guests.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, November 21, 2007: Did you know that a "sssssssssssss" sound is a good thing to encourage a great belly dancing performance in the quieter moments? Quite the opposite effect if used in baseball.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, November 20, 2007: Here's an idea...put the toothpaste on the mechanical toothbrush, before you turn it on. Unless you like your bathroom decorated in dental stucco.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, November 19, 2007: Ah, the details of life. Make to-do list. Rip hair out at ridiculous to-do list. Ignore to-do list.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 16-18, 2007: Ain’t relationships a kick in the pants? Not just the groin area, but the wallet? Fa, la, la, la, la...la la la, la!-Ché Rippinger, Humorist   Thursday, November 15, 2007: "Boy, her next cup of coffee needs to be decaf!" (lovingly eves-dropped from a passerby's conversation at El Rancho)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, November 14, 2007: Ah, the universe is a funny prankster. It gives us energy, a huge amount of choices, and makes caffeine available. And sometimes, it likes to yank out the rug we're standing on, just to see if we're paying attention. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist (Lovingly dedicated to our CAI VP Cherish, who is not only an amazing person, organizer, coordinator, web hostess, illustrator and a zillion other great things, but also a wonderful human being and friend. Rest and be well! You too, Benjamin :) We value you both so much!) Tuesday, November 13, 2007: Don't you love cute little pet names? Almost as much as a love tap in the head with a frying pan?-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, November 12, 2007: Oh cool. Chinese beads that turn into the date rape drug when swallowed. Guess you don't need to break into the vet's office anymore. Just beware of that colorful and funny plastic taste in your drinks, ladies.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, November 9-11, 2007: WARNING: Look away now. You probably don't want to know this. OMG factor: 9 out of 10. Kitty Litter Cake. The ultimate in weird, gross, party treats. It's visually disturbing. And though completely edible for adults, you'd definitely have leftovers, unless served to children or dogs.  (Basically a regular cake, covered with crushed up vanilla sandwich cookies, with some semi-melted Tootsie Rolls, and it's served in a new cat litter pan with a new litter scoop. Use a liner for extra "ew" effect.)-Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday,  November 8, 2007: WARNING: the following may make you ill, while you laugh. (It's gross. You've been warned!) OMG Factor: 10 out of 10 There are reports of a "drug" called Jenkem interesting kids in America (you guys, stop trying to live the "Jackass" show concept for your real life, eh?). (Someone was smoking something really off to think of this!)  It's basically human waste (yep, #1 & #2) that is fermented and inhaled as a hallucinogen.  Oh all of the crappy humor that will be spawned from this-just from the nicknames alone. As the radio announcer joked, "Don't bogart the butt hash." Consider yourself at the back end of cutting edge knowledge. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday,  November 7, 2007: Funny, on a search for pumpkin farms, one sounded a little odd: Colon Farms. Seriously, would you want to purchase your produce here? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, November 6, 2007: Does anyone else see the irony of the Botox advertising line, "Express yourself?!" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, November 5, 2007: Did you know the new chess king is a queen? Susan Polgar was the first to win chess' international triple crown. Isn't it cool when brainiac geeks have their stereotypic image checkmated by a chick?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition,  November 2-4, 2007: Sure every day is a present. But do any of them have a return policy?  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday,  November 1, 2007: Who ever said, "you can't take it with you," has never partied with the worms. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Rockies Rally Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 31, 2007: Gosh darn, gee whiz!  For the great pumpkin search Charlie Brown, why not try Happy Apple Farm? Curious: what happens to the sad apples? Do they get sauced? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 30, 2007: Hey Broncos: Nice nail-biter endings. Are we going to need defibrillator paddles for the entire football season?! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, Roctober 29, 2007:    World Series 2007  We're Proud of You ROCKIES!!!  You Made HISTORY! Congratulations on winning the National League Pennant! The World Series scoreboard may have said Red Sox, but the Colorado Rockies baseball team won our hearts. You united our city and state with positive energy and integrity. Thank You! So proud to wear purple! Monday, ROCKTOBER 29, 2007: Fun to see so many Red Sox fans in Denver for the World Series. They may have won the game, but they left their wallets. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Sunday, Roctober 28, 2007:  World Series 2007  RALLY ROCKIES!!! Go Ahead and Make HISTORY!  Rally Caps on People! I just learned this from a fellow fan at Coors Field last night-turn your baseball cap inside out and upside-down and put it back on. The logo still shows. Yeah, it's goofy and superstitious. Welcome to baseball. I did it first and we scored. Others around did it and we scored and the team made more great plays. Try it. We've got a World Series to WIN and nothing to lose! Weekend Edition, ROCKTOBER 26-28, 2007: Rockies come back to roost in Denver for games 3, 4 and 5 of the World Series.  Let's show 'em that the Purple Monster trumps the Green Monster...with altitude, boys!  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 24, 2007: Ah, a whole day spent trying to get World Series tickets. Any advancements in world peace that I missed? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 23, 2007: Ever have those days when you put your foot in your mouth? And have you noticed that change in shoe size? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist *O.K. Folks! Here's the belly dance show video of just our "Evening in Transylvania" piece, posted on YouTube.com-it's in two parts, so watch them both (about 11 minutes total) Part one Part deux Monday, ROCKTOBER 22, 2007: They were going to make a movie called, "4 Blondes and a Funeral," but they couldn't figure out if they were supposed to breathe or not.-Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Dance, Dance, Dance! Weekend Edition, ROCKTOBER 19-21, 2007: You expect me to dance, AND do the math??! * -Ché Rippinger, Humorist *P.S. This is utterly hilarious to dancers, since we need to constantly count in our heads to get the moves right. Dedicated to my fellow belly dance vampires: Countess Rafi'ah, Saira, Naia, Laura, & crypt-keeper Kendra, for our show performance Saturday night. (pictured: Countess Rafi'ah) Wednesday, ROCKTOBER 17, 2007: Just think of all the digital pictures we're taking and saving for future generations. The kids will have a blast saying, "Gee, we really should go through grandpa's 3 million pic digistick." -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Purple Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 16, 2007: There are a whole heck of a lot of sports injuries in Denver today. Not the athletes. It's all the sports fans - jumping on the Rockies Bandwagon! -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, ROCKTOBER 16, 2007: The celebration at Coors Field in lodo Denver last night was so unbelievable! Great fans, great police, very few problems and a whole lot of celebration for an amazing home team. My favorite was all the folks with decorated brooms, sweeping and high-fiving each other overhead with the broom heads.  I never realized how much sports can bring people together. From my belly dance class, to artist friends and fellow Rockies baseball fans around the field, we're all celebrating the "Miracle on Blake Street!" Congratulations to the Colorado Rockies--the Cinderella team who just won the National League Championships!(Stay Tuned For Rockies Celebration Pics...including a fun one with Carl Bernstein of Watergate reporter fame.)

Weekend Edition, October 12-14, 2007: Life's too short to do stupid stuff. And not laugh about it.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, October 10, 2007: Seriously, classic crooner Paul Anka covered the Van Halen song, "Jump."  Wow, now even grandmama can rock out at the next wedding reception. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, October 9, 2007: The kids are back in school. Time to record all your favorite new t.v. season shows and still not have the time to watch them. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, October 8, 2007: It's great to celebrate with gift giving. You look good, and then the terrorists don't win. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Happy Birthday Dad! Weekend Edition, October 5-7, 2007: Gotta love the Aerosmith song, "Falling in Love is Hard on the Knees." Really, because how long's a guy gotta hang out in that position with a ring box propped open? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, October 4, 2007: I blame global warming for body parts hanging lower. It's making all that perky fat, sag. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, October 3, 2007: Ah...Fall. Hot apple cider, earlier sunset walks, and crisp autumn leaves down the back of your shirt from a loved one. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, October 2, 2007: Ever get the feeling that the calendar companies speed up the year, just to increase business? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist GO ROCKIES!!!  Monday, October 1, 2007: Gotta love the new song, "My Girlfriend is a Sociopath" by indie band I Hate Kate. Seriously, it's a really catchy tune, with a great stalker beat you can dance to.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 28-30, 2007: "Menopause-The Musical!" "Mid-Life! The Crisis Musical." "The Great American Trailer Park Musical." What's next in attention span theatre? "Genital Warts--The Musical?!" -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, September 27, 2007: A new study says men with lower voices have more children. So, vocal tone is the new male sperm count? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, September 26, 2007: Roadside sign: "$8 Haircuts + Produce Special." Really? One stop beauty and veggie shopping? Hmmm... -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 21-23, 2007: I’d love to learn new languages. Just enough to show some Americans do care, and can still mispronounce lots of things to a variety of cultures.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, September 20, 2007: I am not up for irony before caffeine.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 14-16, 2007: Getting stood up for an expensive dinner date: $150. Fresh floral arrangement: $45. Accoutrements for post-dinner entertainment: $85. Using all as comedic material instead: Priceless.  -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, September 13, 2007: It must be nice to be a stay-at-home mom. Who wouldn’t want that great laundry workout, applesauce facial, and U.N. translation for the under tot set. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, September 12, 2007: Forget about the axis of evil, what about the axis of taxes? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, September 11, 2007: Sometimes humor or entertainment doesn’t seem very important in the grand scale of things. And sometimes they are exactly what we need to get through the grand scale of things. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, September 10, 2007: Thrills. Spills. Chills. And that’s just Monday morning at the office. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Weekend Edition, September 7-9, 2007: Aren’t knickknacks great? Especially if they’re at someone else’s house for dusting. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, September 6, 2007: Wouldn’t it be the ultimate honor to have a hurricane named after you? Because who really needs a building or charitable organization to have your moniker? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, September 5, 2007: It amazes me that the more you shouldn’t have it, the more credit offers you get. That’s like giving an obese person an insulin drip of cheesecake. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday, September 4, 2007: Is it just me, or could you take a lilac soap-scented guy, seriously? -Ché Rippinger, Humorist

Holiday Weekend Edition, August 31-September 3, 2007: Have you heard about Atlanta’s new proposed underwear law? Yep, kids have to pull their pants up. Just like your parents in the 60’s. Oh wait, theirs went up a little too high. That’s why you’re here. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Thursday, August 30, 2007: To yank one’s chain, or be the recipient of such yanking. Ah, that truly is the relationship question. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Wednesday, August 29, 2007: When life gives you an incessantly barking dog, make jerky out of its owner. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Tuesday,  August 28, 2007: Is gas still expensive? I wouldn’t know, as the pricy fumes have killed the brain cell arrangement that does math. -Ché Rippinger, Humorist Monday, August 27, 2007: Who’s up for chasing Clocky around the roo