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Things
That Make You Smile:
Bumper Stickers: "My cat is smarter than your honor student."
"My dog is smarter than your politician."
"Support your local hospital. Play Hockey."
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"Karma usually has a wingman." -surprisingly great line
from soap opera General Hospital |
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Funny Quotations:
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -Victor Borge
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Funny Bits:
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED & Men Are Just Happier
People--
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
-source: e-mail/global web circulation (perhaps a slightly bitter
British woman? colour & petrol reference)
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by I Hate Kate (band)
album: Act One (2006)
Well, her name is Little Miss new in town
She said I need someone to show me around
I said what the hell
She looked innocent as far as I could tell
She said I’m all alone and come up into my room
And I’ll show you pictures of me and my favorite band
She said uh oh uh oh here they come
Uh oh uh oh here they come
Uh oh uh oh here they come
Better run
Better run
Better run
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
She makes me happy
It’s another day and another cut
She said kiss me fool I’m not a slut
If the eyes are the windows to the soul
Her soul’s somewhere in Mexico
And slow down shut off the power
This taste is getting sour
I feel a sickness coming over me
She said uh oh uh oh here they come
Uh oh uh oh here they come
Uh oh uh oh here they come
Better run
Better run
Better run
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
She makes me happy
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
She makes me happy
Crazy in the head
Crazy in the bed
I know that’s not a lie
Crazy in the head
Crazy in the bed
I better make her mine
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
She makes me happy
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
I’m in love with a sociopath (hey!)
She makes me happy
Video from KTCL 93.3 in Denver with audience participation
YouTube Video
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Damn Funny Band
Names-
(Funny how they lose their novelty when they go mainstream)
Oh I have LOTS, folks...gotta find all the scraps of paper everywhere
Advice: read each slowly and smirk accordingly, take time and enjoy the
ampage.
Just think about explaining them to your grandma. Or mom (she knows I
Hate Kate after the concert!).
Shiny Toy Guns
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Girls On Top |
Jill Spilled Scotch |
Bullet for My
Valentine |
Jet Lag Gemini |
Reno Divorce
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Flatliners |
Oh Crap! Ninjas |
Panic At the Disco |
Flailing Uterus |
| Death Cab for Cutie |
Induced Coma |
Love .45 |
Reno Divorce |
Love Equals Death |
The Airborne Toxic Event
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Be Your Own Pet |
Patent Pending |
Sky Eats Airplane |
Audio Spaghetti |
Vampire Weekend
(now That sounds like a good time!)
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Jack's Mannequin |
The Pink Spiders |
Pull The Pin |
The Big Spank |
Escaping Gravity
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The A.K.A.s |
The Randies |
The Banana Convention |
Damn Valentines |
Touch My Rash
(you'd want to hire them for your kid's party?
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Angry Pandas |
Cute Lepers |
Hectic Watermelon |
Hi-Fi Hand Grenades |
Porno For Pyros
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Finger Eleven |
Jif and the Choosey Mothers |
G. Love & Special Sauce |
The Velvet Elvis |
| The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus |
The Pharmacists |
Plain White T's
(say it out loud) |
The Color Fred |
Killers, Thieves & Lawyers
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| The Gypsy Fembots |
A Plague in Paradise |
Bad Mutha' Goose |
Name Taken |
hifi handgrenades(perhaps likin'
this because of the name like my column
"Dating and Hand
Grenades"?!)
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| Cute is What We Aim For |
Five Finger Death Punch |
Slightly Stoopid |
DJ Hot to Death |
Bubble Puppy |
Land Shark (you've gotta see their logo! Check out their
MySpace page or my friend at
mine)
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| Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers (hey, when Bill Clinton gives
them street cred...) |
And some classics:
Cheap Trick
Mott the Hoople (huh?)
Looking for a Band Name?
You can use one of my creations...just credit the source please and
let me know! Contact me-I can make up some good ones.
Jet Gag
Why So Wet
Polly Wanna Saccharide?
Suit Fruitcase
Pancake for Cookie
Smoked Out Trout (dedicated to my smoked fish friend Kalena)
Think something should be noted?
e-mail your idea. Play nice-no spam!
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And
of course some funny photos... |
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